Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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