We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
