Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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