I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
