I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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