Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
