It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just pee around me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
