dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
