i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
