Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
