what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
