you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
