So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
