I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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