my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize