he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
