My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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