Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
