If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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