there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
be right there i have to get my cape
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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