I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
