I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
