I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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