it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
