There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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