I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
