Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
