there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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