I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
