Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
