im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
