found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
