Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
