i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
