my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize