I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
