I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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