Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
