so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
