I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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