god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
