Plan B is the new Plan A
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
