I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
