When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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