The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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