Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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