Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
