Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
