My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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