i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
