it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
