we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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