girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
