We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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