I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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