are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
