you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
