Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
as a side note pls kill me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
