I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
