No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
