i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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