I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
