I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
