and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize