Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
