we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
