Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
