Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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