OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
