Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
