it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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