At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
