Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
