he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
