hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize