Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
