All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize