i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize