youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
