you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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