apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
