I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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