I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize