You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
